Fatherhood Series: Preparing for a New Addition.

A father recites verses of the Qur'an in the ears of his new born baby. Muslims believe that this serves as a blessing and protection for children.

A new father recites verses of the Qur’an in the ears of his new born baby. Muslims believe that this serves as a blessing and protection for children.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been so excited since we learned the gender of our baby girl, Jordyn Neveah. As you all are familiar with my Father hood series every post discusses things pertinent to fathers. I thought I’d make this one on something recent in my own life; as well as how new fathers as well as veteran dads can best prepare for that new addition to their family.

For new dads, the news of a baby can vary; but in general can be a scary thing. It’s a feeling dads, who already have children can also have some anxieties about. Jordyn’s mother is in her 3rd trimester, and during that time we both have had to relearn a few things.

 

Tips for New Dads

First things’ first… breathe:)

Ok, now that that’s out of the way congrats, your in for a bit of an adventure! First thing any father wants to do is personally prepare himself. It pretty much goes without saying your finances and other obligations should be in order (and we’ll discuss that a little later). However, as your baby develops over the course of the pregnancy it’s going to be interesting. So, a little self preparation isn’t a bad thing.

Work on and further your connection with God

Regardless of your faith, a sincere attempt to connect with God helps you to stay optimistic, further develop patience, and just naturally helps you to feel better. A good way to do this is to also join a men’s group or connect with other men at your place of worship. Surrounding yourself around good people helps to remind you of the values you want to emulate for your child.

Watch what you spend.

I’ve been working with this idea myself, taking advantage of coupons, employee discounts at my job, and keeping receipts so that I keep track of what I spend.

Also making sacrifices in your purchases can also help, when you absolutely have to buy something consider the price and whether something cheaper (or not purchasing it) might  be better.

Another good practice is to – if you haven’t already – set up a savings account and put away as much as you (reasonably) can.You never know when you’ll need it, and it’s always nice to know that you took the time out to put something aside.

Take the time out to spoil Mom.

Don’t get too distracted with your own personal growth and plans for baby, mom also needs you. Everything about her is changing and happening as the baby grows. She will get physically (and emotionally) drained easier, as her body changes to accommodate the baby it can seem as if you are on a roller coaster.

… again… breathe. It can be a moment for you to be more involved:) Think ahead to mom’s needs, if she is still working (and many moms do). What will make it easier on her? Some of your best sources of information will be ones your going to see more and more of.  Attending appointments with the obstetrician or midwife will not only support your partner but keep you informed and help build a rapport with the people you will need to work with when the time comes

It doesn’t have to be all business either, you can even make a date of it, take mom out after an appointment to you favorite place to eat; a walk, or anything you both enjoy doing.

Further your knowledge about what goes on with baby.

Learning about what goes on with your child even during this time while he or she develops helps you also build a connection. Take the time out to see the beauty that comes with it. There are so many wonderful websites, and other sources that can help you. Here are a few of my favorites:

http://www.whattoexpect.com/what-to-expect/landing-page.aspx

http://www.babycenter.com/

 

 

‘Young Warriors’ coming in 2016

DIGITAL_BOOK_THUMBNAIL

It’s been a few years since I said to myself I wanted to write a book, back then I wasn’t sure exactly what to write out, and I allowed the whole idea of writing one to sit in the back of mind, before I finally got up enough courage to begin.

I’m looking forward to it being self published through Amazon early next year. So in the coming months to build up interest amongst my readers both old and young I decided to finish writing short stories about the characters to introduce them to readers.

For now if your interested in reading one, check out ‘Humble’s Climb’: https://writingelite.wordpress.com/2014/08/05/humbles-climb/

 

Happy Reading!:)

Art of Love: The Art of Arguments.

Even the best of couples have arguments, it’s almost as natural as being human. Even with all the differences in people’s personalities there’s a way couples can resolve conflicts and enhance the value of their relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage

 

It would be an understatement to say arguments are no fun, especially with a partner, or spouse. Arguments are something we all try to avoid with our significant other, however they are bound to occur; it’s only natural.

It happens to the best of couples, and every couple has their own unique way of dealing with them. We’d like to take a new look, though. One couples may not have thought of before. As an art, not to win an argument; but rather to help them overcome it.

The Art of Hearing

 

 

 

 

 

 

Emotions are a crazy thing. One minute you are basking in the feeling of being next to the one you love, the next frustrated at a minor disagreement gone down hill.

The solution seems a lot simpler than we think, as simple as taking a moment to get our thoughts in order, and look at the disagreement with fresh thinking.

My favorite scene from the movie ‘White Men Can’t Jump’ is where there is an argument over the skill of listening as opposed to hearing.

 

 

Hearing our partners, like ‘hearing Jimi’ is an art form that if take the time to learn, it can help us not only handle disagreements better; but also enhance the love we experience with our spouse. Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum, rather they exist between two emotional human beings that bring their own past experiences and different levels of communication skills.

  1. Allow your partner the opportunity to be heard – Sometimes in the heat of any argument the need to be heard ourselves gets in the way of hearing the other persons’ side.

… so to ‘Stop and Listen’ is the first step in mastering hearing and coming to better solutions.

2. Force yourself to hear – It’s another great method to overcome barriers to truly communicating with your partner. Using ‘I’ statements (sparingly and without sarcasm), such as, ‘I understand how you feel…’ or ‘I’m hearing you say that…’; can bring back to mind your partners side and take the focus off of yourself.

3. Be honest and open.

 

4. Pay attention and learn read your spouse’s non verbal language – a wealth of emotion underneath what we say is locked away in it – something as simple as your tone, a particular look, or tilt of the head.

 

5. Sometimes they aren’t trying to argue, but just want you to listen; yes, it can be as simple as that sometimes:)

 

 

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The Art of Love

Love is often times a misused emotion, mistaken for a variety of intentions. However, True love is an art, and for those brave enough to study it; there are limitless rewards.

Love is often times a misused emotion, mistaken for a variety of intentions. However, True love is an art, and for those brave enough to study it; there are limitless rewards.

I remember when I first met her at my sister in law’s (at that my brother and her weren’t married) birthday party. I fell for her the moment I saw her. For most of us love happens in that way, it can strike without warning, and if nurtured last a lifetime.

 

“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”
Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

How true that is, in a Pew Research survey conducted in 2013 cited 88% of Americans as listing ‘love’ as the most important reason to marry.

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/02/14/5-facts-about-love-and-marriage/

The next question, which is pretty obvious, is how do we develop the art of love? Sometimes the concept of love is misunderstood and used for the wrong reason. It can be a blurry line between lust and what it’s actually intended to be.

 

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From my own experience, I would have to say a person will never truly learn the art unless they are willing to sacrifice. People have the innate need to establish close personal relationships. However, this isn’t always easy. It’s harder to stay in a relationship than to start one. This is where looking at love as an art form rather than just a feeling comes in.

Not to mention that men and women communicate in almost polar opposite ways to have a truly loving relationship requires a more serious approach .

Some basics on the Art of Love

While I’m in no way trying to make myself out to be a relationship expert, personal experience can always be a helpful thing. In doing a little research I found some very interesting facts on how all of us can have happy and enjoyable relationships, marriages and even friendships.

 

1. It takes two… 

In my own path to learning the art of love I to learn to be more communicative about my emotions. Sometimes men can seem rather cold to the women in our lives, and this can translate (unfortunately) to being distant.

  • Do little things, like writing letters; poetry; loving texts, and other things that let him/ her know you are thinking about them.
  • Saying I love you never goes out of style, and giving reasons why enhances the meaning:).

2. Redefine intimacy.

It’s unfortunate that intimacy has come to be equated with just sex sometimes. Intimacy is so much more than just the physical side. In my experience the complaint, ‘that all men want is sex’ while not always true can be a serious blow to a relationship.

  • There’s nothing better than basking in silence cuddled up with that special someone.
  • Hold his/her hand absent-mindlessly, don’t worry he/she won’t mind.

3. Be willing to learn from each other.

There is so much spouses can learn from each other, and it’s important to see each other as if you are looking into a mirror. Learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.

I’m sure all of you have some good ideas to share, and we would love to hear them.