I remember when I first met her at my sister in law’s (at that my brother and her weren’t married) birthday party. I fell for her the moment I saw her. For most of us love happens in that way, it can strike without warning, and if nurtured last a lifetime.
“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”
― Erich Fromm,
How true that is, in a Pew Research survey conducted in 2013 cited 88% of Americans as listing ‘love’ as the most important reason to marry.
The next question, which is pretty obvious, is how do we develop the art of love? Sometimes the concept of love is misunderstood and used for the wrong reason. It can be a blurry line between lust and what it’s actually intended to be.
From my own experience, I would have to say a person will never truly learn the art unless they are willing to sacrifice. People have the innate need to establish close personal relationships. However, this isn’t always easy. It’s harder to stay in a relationship than to start one. This is where looking at love as an art form rather than just a feeling comes in.
Not to mention that men and women communicate in almost polar opposite ways to have a truly loving relationship requires a more serious approach .
Some basics on the Art of Love
While I’m in no way trying to make myself out to be a relationship expert, personal experience can always be a helpful thing. In doing a little research I found some very interesting facts on how all of us can have happy and enjoyable relationships, marriages and even friendships.
1. It takes two…
In my own path to learning the art of love I to learn to be more communicative about my emotions. Sometimes men can seem rather cold to the women in our lives, and this can translate (unfortunately) to being distant.
- Do little things, like writing letters; poetry; loving texts, and other things that let him/ her know you are thinking about them.
- Saying I love you never goes out of style, and giving reasons why enhances the meaning :).
2. Redefine intimacy.
It’s unfortunate that intimacy has come to be equated with just sex sometimes. Intimacy is so much more than just the physical side. In my experience the complaint, ‘that all men want is sex’ while not always true can be a serious blow to a relationship.
- There’s nothing better than basking in silence cuddled up with that special someone.
- Hold his/her hand absent-mindlessly, don’t worry he/she won’t mind.
3. Be willing to learn from each other.
There is so much spouses can learn from each other, and it’s important to see each other as if you are looking into a mirror. Learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.
I’m sure all of you have some good ideas to share, and we would love to hear them.